At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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