Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Houston, we have a blender
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We smell like vodka and hangover
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