A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
