I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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