He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
