I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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