I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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