im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
