then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
