guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize