i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
