she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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