Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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