69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
