U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
