theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
