Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize