there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
