he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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