he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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