I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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