Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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