i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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