My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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