I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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