there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
