I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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