hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
