your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
