Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
