She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
