All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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