Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
