She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
