Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
