real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize