hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize