You're my little dorito
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
