well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
