I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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