Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
