Don't you send me to vm
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
