I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
