dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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