i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
