it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
