Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
being pregnant is like rehab
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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