yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
