I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize