Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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