The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
