Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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