Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
