I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
