I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
