$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
