Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
