chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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