Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
