I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why is your signature on my underwear?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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