Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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