wat bout pragnant strippers??
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
