I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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