if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize