and you said cock pushups were impossible
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
