i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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