so that wasnt chicken after all
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
