I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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