I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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